December 16, 2020 in 2,824 words

By the way, I'm sure you figured this out, but that picture is the bastard's motherfucking house.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 15, 2020

If you have complaints about Joel Osteen's use of PPP money during COVID, his "customer service" number is
1-800-278-0520.

I kid you not. That's his listed "customer service number". pic.twitter.com/1PNeu9MHh1

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 15, 2020

_{• • • an aural noise • • •}

_{^{• some of the things I read in antisocial isolation while eating breakfast •}}

How Do Stressed-Out Corals Smell?

_{The answer could help researchers detect bleaching events before they happen.}

_{Heron Island is a good place to look at (and smell) coral. Embiggenable. Explore at home.}

IF YOU ARE EVER MOVED to be needlessly cruel to someone hunkered down for the winter in a dull, drafty place, you might send them a picture of Heron Island. A lush, sand-fringed freckle several hours by boat from Gladstone, Australia, it looks like a screensaver version of paradise. Adorably dour-looking black noddies perch in Pisonia trees; green and loggerhead turtles stumble from the turquoise water each year to bury their eggs in the sand. But the most astonishing feature of the island is offshore—a portion of the Great Barrier Reef.

Pocillopora damicornis, sometimes known as the “cauliflower coral,” is lumpy and brownish, like an unfortunate brassica left to rot in remote reaches of the fridge. Colonies of Acropora intermedia huddle together in stands several yards across, their creamy branches resembling a pianist’s agile, elegant hands. The reef is famously struggling in the face of warming waters. In a new report, the International Union for Conservation of Nature categorized the reef’s outlook as “critical,” the most dire prognosis the group issues. That diagnosis was due in part to bleaching, which occurs when coral expels its symbiotic algae.

Many healthy coral polyps are packed with zooxanthellae, a single-celled, photosynthetic algae that provide the corals’ major food supply, as well their hue. Algae funnel glucose, amino acids, and other byproducts of photosynthesis to reef-building corals, and corals use those to fuel production of calcium carbonate, the substrate of the reef. When water temperatures rise (or, sometimes, plunge), the algae bolt, leaving wan corals in their wake. “The animal tissue is naturally transparent, like a jellyfish, so you see straight through to the white skeleton when the chlorophyll pigments in the algae are gone,” says Carly Kenkel, a biologist at the University of Southern California Dornsife. The Great Barrier Reef has seen three mass bleaching events in the last five years, according to a report by Australia’s Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority. Such occurrences aren’t necessarily death sentences—reefs can bounce back if algae return—but losing them even temporarily can be both a response to stress and mighty stressful itself, leaving corals more vulnerable to disease.

_{Reefs typically have grown well in the turquoise waters around Heron Island.}

We know that stress makes humans sick, slick, and stinky, and stressed-out corals smell different, too. Of course, heat stress doesn’t make coral sweat, but it does change the type and composition of the gases known as biogenic volatile organic compounds (BVOCs) that rise off the reef. A team led by Caitlin Lawson, a researcher at the University of Technology Sydney, recently chiseled some samples of P. damicornis and A. intermedia from the Great Barrier Reef near Heron Island to gauge the effects of heat stress on those gases: the smell of a reef under threat. …

‘I wanted something that was mine’: why I bought a house at 25

_{Buying a house in Texas may have been a drastic attempt to grasp some form of stability in these turbulent times – but stability isn’t a race to be won.}

_{‘For all intents and purposes, that house is my new savings account, future investment property, and possible retirement home.’}

If in January of this train wreck of a year you told me I would be purchasing a house at the ripe age of 25, I would have laughed in your face. How could I, a millennial working in the not-so-lucrative field of journalism, afford a home? My generation has been spat the narrative that it is more likely to see a unicorn frolicking through Times Square than for a twentysomething to buy a house. And unfortunately, there is truth to it, especially for those of us who live in bigger, more expensive cities.

It’s not as if we don’t want to own homes. I’m not the only twentysomething with aspirational Zillow alerts set up on my phone, allowing me to spend hours browsing through unaffordable houses as some twisted form of escapism. I just never believed I could actually purchase one of the houses I had saved on the app.

I grew up hearing stories about my immigrant grandparents moving from apartment to apartment in Flushing, New York, always owing a landowner and never owning land. My Indian-Pakistani Muslim grandparents finally bought a stake in the proverbial American dream and put down roots in New Jersey before eventually buying a home to be closer to their grandchildren in Texas. I always admired their achievement. I wanted that for myself. I wanted to do it for them.

You’re probably wondering how I was able to afford a home after only having lived a quarter of a century. The topic of personal finances is usually considered impolite conversation, but the way I see it, keeping that information private only benefits the ultra-rich. I’m no trust-fund baby. I didn’t marry an old, wealthy aristocrat. And no, the answer is not cutting back on my avocado toast or Starbucks coffees.

No, this is not a story of hard work, a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” journey, Hillbilly Elegy-style. It is a story of luck combined with a value placed on education and the desire to help the next generation. …

UK homeowner delays sale of home after Banksy mural appears

_{Banksy’s latest mural titled “Aachoo!!” that has appeared on a wall in Bristol, England, Thursday Dec. 10, 2020. Banksy’s latest mural has delayed – but not thwarted – a homeowner’s plans to sell in Bristol after it recently appeared on the house’s exterior wall. Embiggenable. Explore at home.}

Banksy’s latest mural has delayed a homeowner’s plans to sell in England after it recently appeared on the house’s exterior wall.

The elusive British street artist’s piece — titled “Aachoo!!” — depicts an elderly woman sneezing, sending her dentures flying out of her mouth. It’s painted on the side of the house on a steep street in the southwestern city of Bristol. The resulting effect is that her sneeze appears to be knocking down buildings.

The creation was discovered on the wall of the semidetached house on Thursday. British media reported that the owners, who had previously put a “sold” sign outside, were pulling out of the sale, because Banksy’s art could send the property’s value soaring.

However, Nick Makin told the BBC on Saturday that it wasn’t true his mother, Aileen Makin, had taken the house off the market. …

DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY: The family was trying to ensure the artwork would be protected.

Don’t Eat Seasonal ‘Cannibal Sandwich’ With Raw Ground Beef, Warns Wisconsin Dept. of Health

Have you ever wished you could order a side of danger with your deep-dish pizza? A(n even greater) death wish with your suspiciously greasy Velveeta Cheese fudge? A close call with your Cincinnati chili? Well, you (probably) midwestern reader, you’re in luck. The Cannibal Sandwich is one of Wisconsin’s favorite, and most dangerous, seasonal snacks.

Composed of a metric crapton of raw, ground beef, seasoned with salt and pepper, topped with onions and, of course, two slices of bread, the erm, unique sandwich is a Cheesehead Christmas delicacy — and also a pretty major health hazard, according to Wisconsin’s Department of Health.

“Time for our annual reminder that there’s one #holiday tradition you need to pass on: raw meat sandwiches, sometimes called Tiger Meat or Cannibal Sandwiches,” the agency wrote on Facebook last week. “Many Wisconsin families consider them to be a holiday tradition, but eating them poses a threat for Salmonella, E. coli O157:H7 (you’re welcome), Campylobacter and Listeria bacteria that can make you sick. (And, no, it doesn’t matter where you buy your beef!) Remember, ground beef should ALWAYS be cooked to an internal temperature of 160° F.”

_{Ed. Don’t click the link if you’re social media-avoidic; Facebook will start tracking your every movement on the web. Perhaps explore Chrome’s incognito Dark Mode.}

I never knew it was possible to be a party pooper in a year distinctively without parties, but I guess here we are — if you like parties rife with food-borne illnesses, that is. The dish, which has long been a staple at Badger-state holiday gatherings over the years, is no new gimmick, with deep roots dating back to some of Wisconsin’s early Northern European immigrants. …

RELATED: ‘TikTok’ Monster Rinses Cooked Beef Under Running Water, Emotionally Scarring The Internet

Is your beef too moist? Does it have just too much flavor? Move over, Keuri-egg — there’s another certifiably horrible TikTok cooking hack setting the internet ablaze. Last week, TikToker @eemilydharperr took to the video-sharing app to tell the world about a seriously disturbing “kitchen tip” for healthy cooking — straining and rinsing the heck out of your sauteed ground beef.

“Let me show you what I learned in Nutrition a couple years ago,” she wrote alongside a clip of her dumping raw, seemingly unseasoned beef from a Ziploc baggie onto a pan, a remixed-Spongebob theme underscoring the entire affair. “All this grease is disgusting, so get rid of it!” the amateur chef wrote, pouring the perfectly-good meat into a colander, before rinsing under her sink faucet and placing back onto the stove. “Look at the difference!” she added, pushing the dry dog-food like meat crumbles around the pan.

@eemilydharperr

Another kitchen tip for you #ThinkingAbout #HouseTour #cooking #fyp #foryou #viral #kitchentip

♬ Spongebob – Dante9k

The video, which now has more than 4.6 million views on TikTok quickly went viral on Twitter, with angry meat lovers pouncing on the poor TikToker’s beefy blunder.

“death penalty,” wrote @poetatoeboi, alongside a repost of the video that has racked up more than 5.1 million views.

death penalty pic.twitter.com/aIMbgEWT2b

— holly jolly poeb (@poetatoeboi) December 12, 2020

“That must be the blandest, driest beef in all of the world. Like weird sawdust crumbles,” quipped @cantkillheros, reading pretty much all of our minds.

That must be the blandest, driest beef in all of the world. Like weird sawdust crumbles

— Meg (@cantkillheros) December 13, 2020

…

French judge rules ‘noisy’ frogs of Grignols must go

_{Michel and Annie Pécheras told to drain pond after nine-year legal battle with neighbour.}

_{Michel and Annie Pécheras have been told they have 90 days to drain their pond in the village of Grignols – where frogs were alleged to have reached 63 decibels at certain times of the year. Embiggenable. Explore at home.}

The French courts have had their final word: Grignols’ grenouilles (frogs) must go.

The frogs of a Dordogne village have been served notice after a judge decided they make so much noise during the mating season that they are a nuisance to the neighbours.

After nine years of legal battles, Michel and Annie Pécheras have been told they have 90 days to drain the 300 sq-metre pond at their home in the village of Grignols: population 587, and get rid of the amphibians.

Environmental campaigners say some of the frogs are protected species.

Michel Pécheras says he re-excavated the historic pond that had been filled in and moved it away from his neighbours’ property 12 years ago.

He told journalists his neighbour Jean-Louis Malfione did not complain at the time and even asked who had done the work so he could create a pond on his own property.

However …

Video Goodnesses
_{and not-so-goodnesses}

Nuclear energy accounts for nearly 20% of electricity generated in the US, more than wind, solar and hydro combined. But now, new nuclear reactor designs could bring far more widespread use and public acceptance of this powerful form of energy.

_{THANKS to SHOWTIME and VICE News for making this program available on YouTube.}

The electoral college formalizes Biden’s win, top Republicans and foreign leaders finally come to terms with the election results, and Attorney General William Barr resigns.

_{THANKS to Comedy Central and The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah for making this program available on YouTube.}

President Barack Obama unpacks his hopes for inspiring a new generation of change-makers through his book “A Promised Land” and the Obama Foundation, the ways America’s position on the world stage has evolved, and why the fight for justice calls for a variety of voices.

President Barack Obama discusses how to approach police reform in America, the impact the Black Lives Matter movement had on him, and why progressives should avoid taking cues from the Republican party.

After the Electoral College confirmed what many people, including the Russian leader who attempted interference in our election, already knew, some but not all Republicans are starting to face the fact that Joe Biden won the election.

_{THANKS to CBS and A Late Show with Stephen Colbert for making this program available on YouTube.}

みりが家族になった記念に足形をとりました！I made footprints to commemorate Miri becoming our family.

FINALLY . . .

Lego Version of Hokusai’s Iconic The Great Wave off Kanagawa

_{Embiggenable. Explore at home.}

Jumpei Mitsui, the youngest-ever Lego Certified Professional, has created a Lego version of Hokusai’s iconic woodblock print, The Great Wave off Kanagawa. The Great Wave is perhaps the most recognizable (and most covered) Japanese artwork in the world. Mitsui’s Lego rendering is composed of 50,000 pieces and took 400 hours to build. From Spoon & Tamago:

In ensuring that his 3D lego replica not only payed homage to the original but also captured the dynamics of crashing waves, Mitsui says he read several academic papers on giant wave formations, as well as spent hours on YouTube watching video of waves.

You can check out the Lego Great Wave in person at the Hankyu Brick Museum in Osaka. …

_{Ed. More tomorrow? Possibly. Probably. Maybe. Likely, if I find nothing more barely uninteresting at all to do.}

ONE MORE THING:

Be sure to click "read more".

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 16, 2020

ONE MORE ONE MORE THING:

My favorite real(!) one: "Winning Is What We Do The Great Border Wall is under attack by unknown forces. Fortunately, President Trump has a secret weapon and his disposal: Barron."

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 16, 2020

ONE MORE ONE MORE ONE MORE THING:

Facebook Is a Doomsday Machine
_{The architecture of the modern web poses grave threats to humanity. It’s not too late to save ourselves.}

THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE was never supposed to exist. It was meant to be a thought experiment that went like this: Imagine a device built with the sole purpose of destroying all human life. Now suppose that machine is buried deep underground, but connected to a computer, which is in turn hooked up to sensors in cities and towns across the United States.

The sensors are designed to sniff out signs of the impending apocalypse—not to prevent the end of the world, but to complete it. If radiation levels suggest nuclear explosions in, say, three American cities simultaneously, the sensors notify the Doomsday Machine, which is programmed to detonate several nuclear warheads in response. At that point, there is no going back. The fission chain reaction that produces an atomic explosion is initiated enough times over to extinguish all life on Earth. There is a terrible flash of light, a great booming sound, then a sustained roar. We have a word for the scale of destruction that the Doomsday Machine would unleash: megadeath.

Nobody is pining for megadeath. But megadeath is not the only thing that makes the Doomsday Machine petrifying. The real terror is in its autonomy, this idea that it would be programmed to detect a series of environmental inputs, then to act, without human interference. “There is no chance of human intervention, control, and final decision,” wrote the military strategist Herman Kahn in his 1960 book, On Thermonuclear War, which laid out the hypothetical for a Doomsday Machine. The concept was to render nuclear war unwinnable, and therefore unthinkable.

Kahn concluded that automating the extinction of all life on Earth would be immoral. Even an infinitesimal risk of error is too great to justify the Doomsday Machine’s existence. “And even if we give up the computer and make the Doomsday Machine reliably controllable by decision makers,” Kahn wrote, “it is still not controllable enough.” No machine should be that powerful by itself—but no one person should be either.

The Soviets really did make a version of the Doomsday Machine during the Cold War. They nicknamed it “Dead Hand.” But so far, somewhat miraculously, we have figured out how to live with the bomb. Now we need to learn how to survive the social web. …

The Trump Presidential Library will be a deleted Twitter account.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) November 7, 2020